Chand Pal

kuch log jindagee mein bas yuu hee milty hain milty hain aur mil key yuu gujar jaty hain jaise kabhee miley hee naa hoo hum vo naa samajh hain joo un chand paloo ko jindagee samajh bethy bekar ke batoo ko hum pyar samjh bethy Maan bas udny laga apnee Udan is baar humny bhee naa roka.... soacha shayad yahee jindagee hain par is Maan ko kya pata tha.... kee kushiya sirf chand ghadiyooo ke mehmaan hotee hain.... vo jitnee dere sey aate hain ussey kahee jayada tejee sey chalee bhe ejatee hain Jo maan kal bekbu ho kar udd chalaa tha.... Un chand kushiyo key saath... AAj kissey koney mein yuu khada hain jaise koi udaad bachaa... apna khilona tutny ke baad .. jany waly chaley gaye hum aaj fir us ruthy bachy ko mannaey lagy... kal fir koi kushee aayegee.... kal fir sey kise ka samnaa hoga aur isse tarah jindagi Gujar jayegee.... gum aur kushee key darmayan

kisse aur ke nazroo mein...

Aap ki nazaron mein aap ki poori zindgi simiti si nazar aayi, Aap ke hothon ki muskarahat bhi,Aap ki udasi ko na chupa paai. Aap ki undekhi tasveer dekhi tau ,aap yuhin khyalon mein chali aayi. Aankhen bund ki tau,aap ki aankhon mein barsat ki jhadi nazar aayi. Chali ja rahi ho akeli,apnon ki bhid mein, Kahney ko apney hain,lekin woh sirf sapney hain.

Let Go!!!

Met my Ex and since then I was feeling so restless, my solitude is all crowded with all sorts of thoughts..sleepless nights and tortured days. I had accepted the fact that it was all over and I knew we wouldn’t get back together again. Moreover He is a married guy now... Still losing a relationship can feel like a mini-death, complete with a grieving process. I cried almost everyday and night for no reasons or may be for all the more reasons...whenever i was alone my tears were rolling down my face, i was driving back home and I pulled my car over and started to weep like a small child for over 20 minutes...it was so hard to put myself back together...and get going... I went through all the phases. I followed the NON Contact Rules. I suffered through the “emotional roller-coaster”. I consciously accepted the fact that we were not together and would never be again And after all that, I still broke down…. In this whole story, i realised one thing very clearly, every move he has made was all planned thoughtfully. So I am trying to get real. He came o meet us after all these years also for a reason...not that he felt anything for his son or for myself. But his visit has shaken me to the core.. Everything re winded...good bad ugly everything came on surface again. The best predictor of future behaviour is relevant past behaviour. When whatever he has done has got some or other reasoning behind it. He has calculated everything and surprisingly, all of it were related to himself..... his profit and loss, his carrier his lifestyle, his family and his future. Both of US (Me and My son) were nowhere..not even remotely. Felt like a toy in kids hand...when he gets new one he cares for it for a while and soon he get bored of it and throws it away.... felt used.....He came after many years to me to set rules...again for his own benefits...Never looked back before..when i was all alone raising kid singlehandly.. Each time, when we discussed issues he swore he would change, and I believed him. Hoping things might change but Hope can be a terrible thing if it keeps you stuck in the past. It’s not easy to end all contact when you feel attached to someone. You can't change what you don't acknowledge. Isn't there a point at which you say, "I deserve better? My children deserve better. He may not have any boundaries, but I do have mine and my boundaries says “you either treat us with dignity, respect and integrity or don’t treat us at all”. I want to stand up for my child and myself.I don’t want to be vulnerable with him again. All I want to do is Re-engineer my life, an entire reengineering of my life, values, beliefs, thoughts, conduct, sentiments and emotion and so on. I have to Stop beating myself up about this. I have to deconstruct my past life, and reconstruct my future. I can’t continue to live in anger and to be with someone who causes pain. So i have to forgive and let go. Forgiveness is a choice. It doesn't mean what he did is Right. We all make poor decisions but holding on to the pain of what has occurred in all these years does nothing but disappointed me moving forward and created more pain. Slowly it has eaten me away and hinders me in my life continuously. Always been living in shackles wondering why things don’t get better in life. I can’t always control what happens to me, but I can control how I respond to it. You have to go through the feelings as they come, but you can help yourself get through them faster. Letting go opens new opportunity when you’re holding onto something, you’re less open to giving and receiving anything else. . But eventually have to start accepting what happened and have to shift focus from the past to the future.

Cheating

All these years I have been angry somewhere...lots of emotional thought process I have been going through at various moments... Somewhere there was a thought lying somewhere that I should have tried one more time, though i was deeply hurt.. I have been telling myself i am not the one who made the decision to break commitment to my partner and cheat. I have nothing to do with my partner making the immature, inappropriate, self-destructive choice to turn away from me to someone else. What if you have children then think of the children, your children will suffer. You are turning their lives upside down, fracturing their family unit and destroying their peace and harmony. Do they think "What right do I have to break his/her family unit in which innocent children are growing every day, just to feed my need?" Do they??? They don’t becoz there need is bigger than anything else, be it there own kid.... But Deep Down somewhere i was bothered abt my Kid, I wanted to do and try all sorts of things...Be it patching up with his DAD...to give him a complete life...but it didn’t worked out and in turn I was more than hurt. It like the person you trusted to honour you in this relationship has betrayed you. They let you down, embarrassed you, and hurt you to your core. All I was hoping then and now that one should Accept responsibility. You should have the decency to tell your partner in all honesty and candor that you own your choices. You're the one who ran this relationship off in the ditch. This had nothing to do with your partner. But you're going to continue to victimize everybody, because you're controlled by your impulses rather than your values. When it all started, you have been with your significant other and everything seems to be going well for most part. you have your good times and not so good times and you have your rough moments. But still you just stand there with a hope that relationship will progress as planned and hope for..... Somewhere being in that relationship you can sense the unpleasant things, still u keep ignoring that sense, insecurity..or maybe you feel its just an hunch. Then the day comes when you find out that you were cheated, previously you just had clues but now it’s all official. You saw it coming but never believed. You were in denial...or extra hopeful that things will get better...just trying to give that space. But suddenly your castle came down..you are devastated and broken..you never want to accept the fact. But either way the fact remains. You have loved someone always taken that extra mile...but they have been unfaithful. What can you do about it now? Can you recover from such a blow? Can you really get back into a relationship with them and expect that it can be a good and healthy relationship? Is forgiving them possible when they have done something as bad as cheating? They say the chance of a successful relationship born of infidelity is not even one in 100.

Pink Floyd - Come Back To Life ( Lyrics )