New Journey - Unknown

It took me 11 years to work through my feelings about relationships and letting go.

Eleven years ago I was completely heart broken and devastated that formed the basis for a regrets, sadness, helplessness.. You feel well duped, replaced and that hurts.

Whenever relationship ends, one always go and dwell and wants to know what went wrong and all
But all that dwelling does is make you suffer by revisiting past .... you hold yourself back from everything around....and you are always afraid of being vulnerable, being hurt.....or in the process of self defense  and you hold yourself back  and you restrain yourself from things  and hurting someone else.

We are humans and we all are entitled to commit mistakes, everyone does, but you need to you learn lesson from them and try to improve the present and future life by not repeating the same mistakes...

Today after six months  I am back here and writing again....I was revisiting the whole decade...my Son is going to be 11 yrs. old in couple of days... I am gong through a mommy guilt from last couple of days for being not there on his B day  again 2nd year in a row... and was feeling really bad about it... and again I revisited the 11 years today. Persistence sense of longing for someone we lost and the memory lane of the relationship shared makes us suffer more. That Longing was there.
Another things I have gone through was Hope . Believe me "Hope can be a terrible thing if it keeps you stuck in the past"

It wasn't easy to break all the connection..in one go....specially when you were deeply attached to someone..to break all the contacts.....and just move on as if nothing happened.....its like a mini death.. which needs to be completed with grieving process.

I still remember that sense of shock , being in denial, hurt, pain I have gone trough , I was unable to believe its over .. and that word "HOPE"

And it all come out....in various forms  in all these years . You feel angry , irritated you being so insecure, defensive and then feel depressed and lonely.

Eventually you learn to start accepting past and shift your focus from the past to the future. You start dealing with things which are in hand. You go through the feelings as they come, but eventually you get through them faster then before.  Slowly you learn to "Let Go" and be in peace with yourself.

I was holding it ....Hope was holding it all...for  a long long time....then when I decided to let it go ..

New possibilities Opens up... it made me more open and receptive.

I learnt hard way that I can’t always control what happens to me, but I can control how I respond to it.

So over the years prospective of looking at things has changed a bit... I realized and accepted that the journey is endless, and have more room to grow.

If I look at that  broken unhealthy relationship or the following decade as time lost. I would  underestimate all the amazing things that has happened to me because of that relationship and the things I did in that time and over the past 11 years.

I am single from late twenties to till now...but  now I am thinking that gave  me a all together different prospective in life, made me a strong independent women... built great friendships and made some progress in life.

Instead of feeling victimised I am feeling empowered ...whatever has happened in the past has prepared me for the present and now  life is full of opportunities for growth, peace, and happiness.....

I realise while I was grieving the "mini death" and even missing him; he was already on a new ‘adventure’ with someone else.

Now I am exploring that Unknown and that unknown can be a curse or an adventure. But now  I’m strong and positive enough to see the latter

I realised that short-term discomfort is crucial for long-term growth. Now I am not limited by the fear of making a mistake..

when we make mistakes, we grow. An atmosphere of growth is integral to happiness