WHY???

I had a very busy day today...never got the time to eat also....came back home with aver heavy head and lot of thought process....somehow cooked something and thought i will sleep early today... But here i am writing again.....because I just can’t sleep....restlessness is there, a void is there... Ohh GOD I wish i could sleep...with such a heavy head and painful thoughts..It’s so hard you just can’t sleep and can’t be awake.....it’s so frustrating. I called up my sweet pie as well...this month he is little disappointed with me...after 1st July I haven't met him..nor I talked much...when I left him he was little sick but he had his exams...so I had to leave him back.....I called him up at that very night...and His first question was maaa abb leny kab aaogee...sat ko hee aa jana ...you know we can go back home..... and I just told him baby I have dropped you in the morning itself....I can’t come so early....then he said OK milny to aa jana and i said i will....after that i haven’t met him....... While he was here...he came to know we are going through a financial crunch...as salary were not dispersed by then. So today when I called him....his standard question came...will u take me home tomorrow..and i said i will not be able to do so.... as i am busy this weekend too....then question number second came. At least you can come and meet me.... mujhy bahut yaad aatee hain maaa...and I said yes I will come....and like every time I asked him what he wants..he gave me his standard answer...so till here...it was all normal conversation....at times I feel that our conversation is like tape recorder which gets on and off every time we talk...with little or very little variance or demands. Today he said...Have you got your salary??...which left me surprised that why he wants to know....and how come he is asking that question....is that was there in his mind all this while??? Rather than answering my mind started battling with lot of questions like that.... Then i asked him do you need anything??? and then he said, NO I just asked because u may be stressed or you may not have money to fill petrol in the car...or to buy biscuits for me...that’s why you have not came and met me....i need a gift but let me know when you get your salary. or may be you can buy me a gift on my birthday. And i felt so bad and i started wondering....all this while he must be thinking about it ...what’s wrong with my mom...why is she not coming...and then he must be thinking about money .. Were we that intelligent when we were kids of his age????...I guess...we were not even nearby. But How do i tell him apart from salary what all i am going through.... How do i tell him how difficult is to deal with past and keeping the present intact..... In a broken relationship...kids suffers the most...there innocence just goes away in evaluating the question WHY??? Wish I could Answer WHY for myself and for him too.....