Nothing to Lose - MLTR - With Lyrics

Zindagi Mein Jab Tumhare Gham - musicworldofindia.com

SMS Judgments!

Today I had a kind of bad day………to start with….
I was driving and was about to take a U turn at the crossroad…and suddenly light changed and I stopped there…waiting for other side to move….and then again my turn came..And as soon as I started there was a truck coming with high speed...so I took a break and half of the truck passes and then my car got a Hit…fortunately …just a number plate breakage and a dent on the front side….i got down from the car and so did the driver…and stated saying sorry and all its just a minor touch and all..Lot of traffic got stuck in the mean time…so I decided to move on then arguing and jamming the traffic for no reason…..

But I was very upset and did not had any choice, so i started driving back as I had to rush for my office for a important meeting…..I was late by 2 minuts so I decided to just enter in the meetings….left my purse and all with office boy…..
After three hrs when I came out of meeting…..I decided to check my phone… and couple of missed call was there….so I decided to return the call before I do something else and get busy with work…

I have been sick for a while and hence lot of work has piled up...I was trying to return someone’s call…and this person didn’t pick up the phone..I thought maybe he is busy in a meeting..since he called me 7 times( I checked the timings it was just at that point of time when I was out of car and checking dents and talking to that driver…) I tried calling him up again and again till eve ,in the end he picked up my phone for a sec and disconnected…. Thought may be connection problem so I called up again and he didn’t answered so I just sent him an sms saying you are strange u picked up my phone and didn’t answered and now you are not picking up what’s wrong………

In return I have got a reply which says I am very insensitive..And he would not like to talk to me…….
And I thought maybe he is angry to I sent him a sms back that due to some reasons I wasn’t able to pick my phone, but as soon as I came to know I tried returning your call and u were not picking up…..and since then I am trying till now…
But I never got a reply back……still I tried calling…but no response…
Then I started thinking am I insensitive….or people are who cannot think rationally are insensitive…is this a big issues to make…if I don’t take someone’s call…or reply sms on email on time….I may be going through things… but before getting angry and giving judgments did u really tried to know what was wrong with me…why I didn’t took the call…and so on…
And today’s episode took me a little back also..when my day was going bad in the office…one of my friend died and one of my colleague has resigned…and lot of office pressure…and unnecessary pressure was on me…and someone was trying to communicate with me… till lunch I was very upset but was able to communicate…in which I mentioned about office day and whatever was going on and I said I am feeling like resigning today…and couple of other things……still this person kept sending me messages….and I didn’t replied in between…and then I got a SMS asking me what wrong with me…and I said I am just upset at the moment…and then I went off for a meeting I came out in eve and before getting in the car I checked my phone… an d there was a sms asking me are you upset with me…. And I replied….you already know that why I am upset and I started driving back home….. there was some sms to that reply……so in reply I just replied back that at times people don’t think rationally…and I should have given a proper reply and shouldn’t mix personal and professional life…but I just did that…..
Now I was talking about myself that I was angry and in bad mood in office and didnt respond back properly…
But this sms has blew our friendship and that person felt offended and he didn’t hear me after that …I kept telling him that I am talking about myself…but he felt I am talking about him and he felt offended……

Well I tried my best for couple of days..In convincing him that u should listen to me once..Before saying n number of things to me or calling me insensitive…and what not……but didn’t work……
Why I am talking about these two episodes is because again today’s episode after the previous one….left me thinking that………

IS THAT ME WHO IS INSENSETIVE…….OR PEOPLE ARE WHO DIDT EVEN HEAR ME OUT FOR ONCE OF TRIED TO KNOW WHAT PROBLEMS I WAS IN…..OR WHAT I WAS GOING THROUGH.
I don’t want to judge anyone here….but all I could make out of all this is ….tolerance power has gone somewhere… now a days if things are not moving as you desired..simplest way is to kick out…….that too on SMS…..don’t even have patience to hear them out…or giving a second thought….
How mechanical life has become……. Compromise, patience tolerance,Understannding..Forgiveness, emotions….sense of responsibility…… all these words have lost there meanings….

Now a days if things are not my way…..u better get lost…..no one will bother about it.

End of the Day it hurts me....that for no solid reasons...something came to an end.......
But Life must Go on..... so guys i will miss you!!!!

Before ending this I must mention about somebody...who is there and aware of that i am not going through a very positive phase of life... and gives me all the space...and ear

I am bit of moody these days...guess i am sick and not feeling so good in general... so at times i reply to emails and at times i dont ...
but i want to thank him for all the patience......and for being there...

Thank you So much!!!! It means a lot to me......:)

Fathers Day!!!

Today my son got up and wished me a happy father’s Day!!! ...and i didn’t knew how to react on it , I was surprised...still i tried to control my emotions and said Thanks to him.... and hugged him.
After sometime i just asked him...why did u wish me father’s day and he said since he is not around i thought i should wish you.......i was amused with this gesture and didn’t know how to react.

My child resembles

his father, his looks, his nails, hands, legs, feet, the way he eat sleep stands, walk, talk, liking ,disliking.....and what not... ...He is just like him,I get emotional sometimes just seeing his face, at times while he is sleeping eating ...and all his day to day activities...brings tears to my eyes....

At times i feel i am living with my ex in the form of my son..... but i have lot of love for him then my ex...guess that’s the reasons irrespective of all odds all these years i was unable to hate him...and get him off my life...virtually he still exits somewhere in our life....

I am sure he doesn’t miss us or think about us......but at the same time i was thinking....that he might be thinking of his son on this day....previously when no one knew what mother’s day or father’s day is all about...we never knew that...i came to know about valentine’s day when i was in college...and after that so many days came up......

But now a days with so much of publicity around about all these days...and its everywhere be it news or radio channel or hoardings...so i was wondering what he might be thinking about. He is missing him at least today...when all these news channels are filled with all these news...and market has special offers and so on...or like all these years..it doesn’t matter to him....this was the first time when my son came to know about this day...he gave me a card on mother’s Day....

Guess he is very unfortunate...that he is blessed with a son...and still gives damm to it...

And he often comes in our some or other discussion... and cross our minds.... when my son wants to know why he is not with US?....What kind of Job he does ..Which doesn’t allow him to take leaves and stay with us...?
How come other dad's are able to come back home in the evening... why not mine...why we are not going out on a vacation at a p lace where he lives... and so many Why .why, why?....... and it all goes unanswered...maybe he started understanding off late...so frequency of questions have gone down...but i just keep thinking...is this all is leaving a negative impact on his mind?

Do i have to do something about It????

Ajnabee

Jissey chaha tha hamny
apnee jindagee sey bhe jayada
Kabhee hamny socha na thaa
kee unkey bina bhee jina hoga
vo he ek din yuun millengy humsy
jaise hoo ek ajnabee kee tarah

humny unkoo har jagah dhoonda karty they
par jab vo milly ek ajnabee kee tarah
jab unsy hamara samnaa huaa,
har ek manjar,har vo jagah sey bhee samnaa hua,
vo jasbaat,vo yadein joo dil mein chupee rakhee thee,
aaj unkaa bhee fir sey samnaa huaa
voo muskurahat, voo hasi,bhee naa thee kaheen
Jo kabhee dekh kar aa jatee thee is surat par
aaj dekha too sivaye aassuo ke kuch na thaa

aur unkey rukh par ajnabee pan key siva kuch naa thaa

Tears & Love

Kitna haseen hain ye rishta
Aassuo aur mohabbat ka
koi fasla nahee assuo or mohabbat ke beech
Wo kal bhee chalakty they jab unka didar na hota thaa
Wo aaj bhee chalakty hain jab unka didar hotaa hain
Ye mohabbat bhee kitnee ajeeb cheez hotee hain
Aur aasson sey unka ye attut sa rishta
Vo mil jaye to kushee ke marey assu chalak jaty hain
Vo bichad jaye to assu ruk hee nahin paty hain
Mohabbat aur aassun ka choli daman ka saath hota hain
Halat kaise bhee hoo inka saath hamesha rehta hain
Kassh hamara or mohaabat ka rishta bhee aisa hota
Sab kuch mitny ke baad vo atut hee rehtaa
Par aisa hoo naa saka

Unka Samna

Aaj fir usnsy samna ho gaya
Naa chaty huye bhee unka didar ho gaya
Mudattao pehley jinkey didar ke liye tarasty they hum
Aaj unhee ke didar naa ho jaye
Ye soach kar bhee darty hain hum
kabhee jinky saath jeenaa chaty they hum
aaj wahee dikh jaye to mar sey jaty hain hum

HOPE

Somehow these days I am feeling overwhelmed about life in General……
After a broken relationship few years ago in which I was totally in love with my ex, but our relationship ended. I thought I have healed and moved on being a mom of a baby boy and working mother life was pretty busy all these years, still emptiness was there, I was acting very strong and took life positively still there were nights when I used to feel that is no end to what I am going through, I have cried for no obvious reasons there was a pain and sorrows which was building in over the period of years…there was nobody around who could have understood..what I go through…being a single mom and working mother wasn’t easy all these years….specially when u have no one else with you……
Even after moving on with the life the way it’s going and you want to get over with things and past people don’t let you forget and get over… specially in our society…where Divorce being a single mom and unmarried after a certain age, is a big taboo and whole community will be concerned about it for no reasons. Constant questions about your past why, how, when, why not comes up again and again, and eventually you end up being social and friendly…you get in to shell and feel safe and secure in your own territory…you start hating being out and questioned for no reasons….and worst part is when u need someone most to be with you…..you see no one around not the so called society or anyone else who were so so concerned about you private life.
but I guessEmotionally I am over with him…it’s just off and on he crosses my mind for some or other reasons…off course not for gud… but that puts me off for a while and spoils my mood
I do get thoughts from time to timeto be in a relationship again of wishing that I could find my prince charming, but at times it just seems a lot easier and less stressful to do it alone, raising my son and running life the way it is. Don’t know if this Is this normal?
At one point of time I felt absolutely certain I could love somone again. I tried to forget. I felt that I could conquer the past. But I couldn’t. And something was missing. The trust? The love ? I wasn’t sure, In the beginning itself I was having nightmares about breaking up and someone just telling me this just wasn’t working... But felt bad about that someone too who keeps thinking whats wrong or why I am behaving the way I am it’s hard to put in words at times the person go though, and one just can’t explain it to others.
I have not lost faith in relationships or recovering broken relationship. There is still a hope, I just wasn’t strong enough to overcome the past or will have to have a strong foundation to build a new castle ……………
Waiting for that Some one special who can take me out of it and make this life more worthwhile and wonderful…..

Still I am hopeful