HOPE

Somehow these days I am feeling overwhelmed about life in General……
After a broken relationship few years ago in which I was totally in love with my ex, but our relationship ended. I thought I have healed and moved on being a mom of a baby boy and working mother life was pretty busy all these years, still emptiness was there, I was acting very strong and took life positively still there were nights when I used to feel that is no end to what I am going through, I have cried for no obvious reasons there was a pain and sorrows which was building in over the period of years…there was nobody around who could have understood..what I go through…being a single mom and working mother wasn’t easy all these years….specially when u have no one else with you……
Even after moving on with the life the way it’s going and you want to get over with things and past people don’t let you forget and get over… specially in our society…where Divorce being a single mom and unmarried after a certain age, is a big taboo and whole community will be concerned about it for no reasons. Constant questions about your past why, how, when, why not comes up again and again, and eventually you end up being social and friendly…you get in to shell and feel safe and secure in your own territory…you start hating being out and questioned for no reasons….and worst part is when u need someone most to be with you…..you see no one around not the so called society or anyone else who were so so concerned about you private life.
but I guessEmotionally I am over with him…it’s just off and on he crosses my mind for some or other reasons…off course not for gud… but that puts me off for a while and spoils my mood
I do get thoughts from time to timeto be in a relationship again of wishing that I could find my prince charming, but at times it just seems a lot easier and less stressful to do it alone, raising my son and running life the way it is. Don’t know if this Is this normal?
At one point of time I felt absolutely certain I could love somone again. I tried to forget. I felt that I could conquer the past. But I couldn’t. And something was missing. The trust? The love ? I wasn’t sure, In the beginning itself I was having nightmares about breaking up and someone just telling me this just wasn’t working... But felt bad about that someone too who keeps thinking whats wrong or why I am behaving the way I am it’s hard to put in words at times the person go though, and one just can’t explain it to others.
I have not lost faith in relationships or recovering broken relationship. There is still a hope, I just wasn’t strong enough to overcome the past or will have to have a strong foundation to build a new castle ……………
Waiting for that Some one special who can take me out of it and make this life more worthwhile and wonderful…..

Still I am hopeful